fearfully and wonderfully made

today is national sanctity of human life day, begun by president reagan to coincide with the anniversary of the horrific court decision of roe vs. wade to legalize abortion. during our church's worship service this morning, we read psalm 139 responsively, and i couldn't help but think of maddie. usually when i read this chapter, my own children come to mind... but today, as i could hardly speak the words "i praise You because i am fearfully and wonderfully made", i thought of maddie. as the congregation proclaimed, "all the days ordained for me were written in Your book before one of them came to be", my eyes welled up with tears considering God's sovereignty in maddie's little life. and then the kicker was singing "He knows my name"...

I have a Maker
He formed my heart
Before even time began
My life was in his hands

this song really touched my heart today in a different way than before. i remember singing it when i was pregnant with caroline, before i knew if she was a girl or a boy. i could hardly sing the words "He knows my name" without crying... considering the mystery of the life inside me and believing that God already knew so much about this baby that i had not yet met. but today during worship, while most people's thoughts were on the beginning of life in a mother's womb, maddie was really on my heart. though her earthly body has died, she has begun a new life... life that is such a reality but that is still such a mystery to us-- the life that we will live for eternity in Heaven with Jesus. i was thinking about how, to most of the medical community, maddie's heart was bad. it was dysfunctional and in need of repair. but God chose to form maddie's heart in such a way to bring glory to Him. her life and her family's faith were (and are) no doubt a testimony to so many people. God did not make a mistake when he formed maddie in her mother's womb. she was fearfully and wonderfully made. and praise the Lord, she is truly in the hands of her Maker now.

as i sat down to share those thoughts, i received an email update from maddie's family. i should fill you in by saying that their church was already planning to host a blood drive in maddie's honor yesterday, so they decided to combine the blood drive with a memorial service for maddie. here's the update...

Sunday January 20, 2008

"There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under the heavens;
a time to be born and a time to die...
a time to weep and a time to laugh...
a time to mourn and a time to dance...
a time to be silent and a time to speak..." Ecc. 3:1-8

Cindy writes:

How interesting this verse. All of the things in it that Dave and I and our family are doing right now are just the opposite of what Madeline is doing. We are crying, weeping, mourning, but she has been born anew and is now finally dancing, laughing and speaking her little heart out! (Oh how that child could speak!!- shhhh! Was not a concept she understood). It is true though, our hearts have quite the Maddie shaped hole carved out of them right now and it hurts. It is just too painful. However, it does not diminish our hope and we praise God that this all is not truly over, it is merely a time out. It is something like this that helps to keep us from clinging to this old world too much. It is something like this that helps us to long for heaven, and that is good. I do believe that's how it's supposed to be.

The visitation went very well and I am delighted to say that there were over 72 pints of blood donated yesterday (probably just a drop in the bucket to all that Mad's had consumed in the last 6 months, but it's a start). You can still donate in her name and honor at any blood bank - we think it is such a wonderful act of love. I can't tell you how it blessed us to see so many people come out to give of their selves that way. It probably would have been much much higher but they just ran out of beds, time and volunteers. Wow. I couldn't imagine doing a "visitation" any other way. Maddie was not your average kid, and therefore no average service will do.

There were a whole lot of people that came out. It was mind blowing the love and support that was poured out upon us. We had people come from Spokane and Puyallup, (not to mention our families from Kentucky and Tennessee), the chaplain from Children's came, as did some of our nurses and our favorite Children's family and even one of Maddie's doctors appeared (a little bit late, so we took him home for dinner)! It was amazing. And most of all, we made it through. I'm finding the verse, "as your days are, so shall your strength be.", to be true to word. These are the hardest, saddest days of our lives. My heart is groaning within me, and yet, the sun came up again today. Glory be to God. Dave and I will both be writing some thoughts later in the week about all of this. But until then, please just know how much we've appreciated all of your words, all of your prayers and all of your love. You have cocooned us with it, and we can tell.

keep praying for maddie's family.