i am really excited about this post... the fact that i am able to write what i am about to write is in itself a testimony of God's faithfulness. as i have shared on here in the past, i truly desired to avoid a c-section for caroline's delivery. my recovery after my surgery with ethan was a good one, praise God, so i must say that my "c-section experience" had no nightmares or problems attached to it... but i really didn't want to go there again for several reasons. 1- it's surgery. 2- i couldn't count on an easy recovery again. 3- this time, i had a toddler that would need picking up, chasing after, etc., and 6 weeks of not being able to do any of that would have been a challenge. 4- we would love a larger family, and i would love to not have x number of c-sections under my belt. 5- most of my friends had these normal labors with no complications... why couldn't i? (my competitiveness and need to feel included even spills over to childbirth! oh dear!!) SO from the day i found out i was pregnant, i began praying about and researching and contemplating a vbac (vaginal birth after cesaerean) vs. a c-section. some doctors are very leery of vbacs, and actually, you cannot have a vbac in some states. so i'm very thankful that the Lord provided my doctor, who was encouraging about a vbac from the get-go.
well, the big day came bright and early... it was so hard to fall asleep the night before, knowing that the next time i slept in my bed, caroline would be home! i woke up at 3:30 and showered before dragging my sweet husband out of bed. we arrived at the hospital right at 5 am, and i was taken back to labor and delivery. when the nurse checked me, i was dilated about 2 cm and was having some contractions but didn't know it. when the nurse got my heplock ready, my blood pressure hit the floor. i felt as if i were about to pass out at least 2 different times over the next half hour. they say this is common, but it did not make me think positively about how the rest of the day was going to go! the nurse had me wear an oxygen mask to help, and within the next hour, i was much better. my doctor came in around 6:45 and broke my water. i started feeling the contractions then, though they were still very light and not much trouble at all. they started the light pitocin drip around 8 am, and it did not take long for the contractions to get stronger and closer together (what i expected...). as the contractions intensified, i began to feel light headed again, and it only got worse. i did not want to revisit the nausea of my labor with ethan!!! at this point, i hadn't ruled out an epidural, but i was wanting to do as much as i could naturally. cindy (my sister-in-law kristie's mother-- pretty much a mom to me too) was there to help, and she was so great at reminding me to not tense up through the contractions... but boy these were nothing like i felt last time! i knew the pitocin was really kickin' in up a notch... i waited until the nurse checked me again because if i was going to get an epidural, i wanted to wait until i was at least at 4 or 5 cm... but at around 10 am, i was at 3 cm, and could not take the pain anymore. i was having such a hard time relaxing through the contractions, and i still had so far to go. i looked at cindy, probably with the look of "i'm giving up", and she said, "it's not a contest, em"... and that's all i needed to hear. bring on the drugs!
the epidural took no time at all to kick in, and needless to say, i was so much happier after that. my body was able to rest, and when the nurse checked me at 12:30, she exclaimed "i can't find your cervix!" i was worried for a minute, but she explained that that meant i was fully dilated! FULLY DILATED!!!!!!! i was so happy you'd thought i'd HAD the baby already! i had reached a point in labor that i had not reached last time! praise the Lord!! that was an answered prayer right there. so now i was excited. i couldn't believe i'd dilated so quickly, considering i never got past 8 cm after over 24 hours of labor with ethan. it had been less than 6 hours since my water had been broken!
caroline still needed to come down a little more before it was time to push, so we waited for the next hour or so for me to "labor down". my epidural was turned down a bit so that i would be able to feel more to push, and around 2 pm, they said i was ready to start pushing. another new thing for me here! another nursing tech (who was also a doula) came in to help. after practicing pushing (i'd never gotten this far with ethan, remember?), they said i was ready to start. it was very strange, though, because i could not really feel that i was pushing (even though the epidural had been turned down). i knew i was doing something, but i had no sensation of if i was pushing hard or not. after a little while, sometimes i could tell if i hadn't pushed as hard on one count of 10, but they would tell me to push harder, and i couldn't tell if i did actually push harder. my dr. came in and said i'd be pushing for a good 2 hours, so i was prepared to be WORN OUT when all this was over. after about an hour of pushing, the nurse noticed that i was bleeding more than usual, so she went to get the dr. they were worried that this was a sign of my uterus rupturing, which would have meant an immediate c-section, but the dr. said it was ok... so i kept pushing for a few more counts, and then caroline's heart rate started to indicate that she would not tolerate all of this much longer. my dr. said, "we're gonna get this baby out in 10 minutes or we're not", so of course i was determined to get this baby out!! he said he needed to either use the forceps or the vacuum to get her out, which i was not really crazy about, but it was definitely a better option than surgery. he worked on getting the forceps around her head for a good while, but he just couldn't get them both on (now we know why-- she had such a big head!)... so he used the vacuum for one contraction, and out she wriggled!
brian cut the cord, and then they laid a very messy but beautiful baby girl on my chest... she was finally here! as i laid in bed and watched the nurses clean and weigh caroline, my eyes welled up with tears of thanksgiving. thank You, Lord, for a safe delivery and healthy baby. thank You, Lord, for answering so many prayers. thank You, Lord, for your faithfulness.
luke 18:27- "what is impossible with men is possible with God."
ethan has surprised us this christmas by taking very good care of our christmas tree! i don't mean watering it and trimming the branches (ha--now that would really be a surprise!)... i really imagined him wanting to pull off every ornament within reach. he does touch them but has (until today) followed my instructions to "just touch" the pretty balls. he can name some of the ornaments (baby, bear, hat--a snowman w/ a hat on it), and every morning, he runs into the living room exclaiming, "on! on!" for me to turn on the lights. he really does love the tree! so we're glad that we didn't have to put the tree in the pack-n-play for its own protection. :) 
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