we were eating leftovers from olive garden last week, and ethan was finished and about to get down from the table. i had breadsticks for brian but didn't care for ethan to know about them since he was satisfied with being finished. so i said to brian, "do you want some B-R-E-A-D?" and ethan chimed in...
"THAT'S the book for me! i stand alone on the word of God, the B-I-E-I-E"!
this weekend as brian, mara, and i took ethan to his first "big" movie! mara and i worked together at family christian stores during my breaks home from college (how brian & i met), and we spent many a night quoting veggietales to each other and yes, i admit, to our customers. i even rang up someone with a larry the cucumber finger puppet as i ducked behind the cash register. (big sigh.) those were the days. anyway, mara had a great idea to take ethan to this movie since out of all the classic veggie tales moments, "the pirates who don't do anything" is quite possibly our favorite. and to our surprise, brian wanted to come along!
on friday night, we told ethan that we had a surprise for him. he came running in the living room, bright-eyed and smiling, and exclaimed quite dramatically, "for ME?!" (he's real into "surprises" right now...) we told him about our plan for the next afternoon, and he was elated. he didn't really know what "veggietales" was, but he was excited just the same. i mean, we said the words "movie" and "popcorn"! so he was all ready to go see "beggietales" that night, but we explained that he had to go to sleep first... so the next morning, when his usual greeting is "i awake!", i went into his room, and he immediately said, "i go see beggietales!"
ethan did wonderfully at the movie. i was happy to learn that the theater has booster seats for kids to sit in so that they can have their own seat but not be eaten by the folding up of the chair! i expected to need to hold ethan, so this was a great treat for him to have his own seat.... of course, halfway through the movie, i started missing him sitting way over there in his big boy seat, so i put him in my lap. :) he watched the whole movie without saying a single word or fidgeting one little bit. he was amazed by the HUGE show in front of him! i don't know how much of the plot he actually followed, but he enjoyed his "small" bag of popcorn while watching dancing vegetables in clothing... so a good time was had by all. the great thing about veggietales is that most of the jokes are funnier to the adults than the kids, so mara and i were giggling through the whole show. i even heard brian laugh a time or two.
when we got home, i found out that eric & kristi took their kids to the same movie at the same time as us. (another big sigh.) gosh, i miss them! kristi said that steven acted just like ethan through the movie... completely still and wide-eyed! oh those boys just steal my heart. so anyway, here are a few pictures from ethan's first movie. no i don't usually take my camera to the movies, but c'mon, it was his first movie!!!! :) and i waited until afterwards to get pictures, so i wasn't really that obnoxious. i really wanted to snap a shot of him entranced with his hand in the bag of popcorn, but i just captured a mental shot of that moment...
so here's ethan at his first movie. note that he is eating popcorn in evvvvery picture! 
(janie, we missed you!!! "i love you bob.. i love you too, man!")
you are probably wondering when i am going to get back to blogging about my own children! i'm sorry if it seems strange that i have written so much about this little girl that i never knew, but as i shared in the last few posts, maddie's family has been on my heart so much lately, and her death has caused me to continually evaluate my daily life with my children. so bear with me as i share this one last post about maddie's funeral. for those of you who have been praying for her family and following her story on this site, i wanted to share this encouraging email from maddie's dad. i am sure we can all learn something from this family's faith, and we can join together in praising God for His presence through all of this.
Tuesday January 22, 2008
When I rose yesterday morning, the first thing I did was pray that the day would pass quickly, convinced that it would be one of the hardest, saddest days for our family. All week I envisioned my legs buckling at the sight of Maddie’s casket. I imagined falling on my face and sobbing at the cemetery. I thought about Anna and Sam and how they would be affected by the overwhelming gloom of the day. But you know, none of those things happened. There were occasional quiet tears and a few runny noses, but somehow peace prevailed. I looked over at Cindy a number of times and asked, “Are you okay?” and she looked back at me with the same curious disbelief and said, “Yeah, I am.” I could not understand why we were not overcome with the grief I was expecting. My suspicion was that all of you ever-faithful prayer warriors were still lifting our family up (a fact that was confirmed by the flood of emails and guestbook entries). I failed to take the advice in Philippians 4 that says, “Do not be anxious about anything . . .” but the next familiar verse that says ‘God will provide a peace that transcends all understanding’ showed up anyway. I’ve said it. I’ve read it. Now we have experienced it. Madeline endured long-suffering and managed to wear a smile through most of it. How could we possibly do less? In the end, the day went by too fast.
Attendance was completely overwhelming, which blessed us tremendously, but also left us wishing we had had more time. I can think of a dozen people right off the top of my head who caught my eye, but were never able to make contact. There were so many familiar faces from our families at Christ Memorial, New Life and Cornerstone Churches. Then there were numerous families we had never met before, who learned of Maddie through friends of friends, and had been praying for her and following her story. Some of them traveled a considerable distance to say hello and goodbye. Finally, there was the hospital staff. We knew Becky and Maree were coming, because they were in the program and we figured that a few others might make it as well, but we had no idea that half the team would show up! Just about every department and discipline was represented, with doctors, nurses, specialists, therapists, etc. It felt like we were on rounds for the last time. You cannot imagine how much it meant to all of us to see you there. (Actually it kind of ticked me off, because I was holding it together until you showed up!) I know there were many more who wanted to come, but couldn’t. You were in our thoughts as well. Maddie loved you all.
We were overrun by people telling us it was the most beautiful and uplifting and hopeful funeral they had ever seen. We agree. We are so grateful to everyone who shared our Madeline and contributed to make it a perfect day. The message was perfect. The music was perfect. The weather was perfect. The walk from the church to the cemetery and up to the hilltop was perfect. The reception was perfect. And the food . . . did I mention the food? No one is going hungry in our house, thanks to the never-ending river of food that is flowing through our front door. If eating is supposed to ease pain and sorrow, then I am the happiest guy on earth! Can we just say thanks to everyone for everything? You are in our hearts and on our minds.
When the curtain came down and the crowd dispersed, Cindy and I had a chance to walk back up the hill and share some quiet time alone and consider the day. The sun was just setting over the Olympic mountains and Liberty bay below was still. It was hard to look at the ground and imagine her buried there, having just had her in our arms last week. We tell the kids that that is just an empty shell, but I still long for it. – just human I guess. I have lump in my throat that I can’t quite clear and my voice cracks if I travel too far down memory lane. She lived with grace, but I never would have thought a three year old could die with grace. Then again, Madeline did a lot of things that surprised us.
We’re not sure what the future of her legacy will be. Some folks have mentioned keeping the web page alive, but Maddie was pretty much the cornerstone of that effort. We believe that God used Maddie for His own glory. He spared her by taking her out of this place, but I cannot believe that the He would have wanted the ministry to cease. It has always been bigger than us and we really want to keep it. However, when Maddie was first diagnosed and we searched the internet for information on her condition, we found no hope in stories that ended in death. For that reason we agreed when we started Madeline’s web site, that we would take it down in the event of the ultimate bad news. We don’t want to sap the hope from another family. We will be praying and listening for direction in the coming weeks and months. Maybe we’ll slap the story in a binder and publish it.
continue to pray for maddie's family! if i receive any more updates, i will do my best to share how they are doing.
i just found this video montage that maddie's dad put together back in november....since most of you reading this had (like me) never met maddie, i thought i'd share this video with you. what a cute little girl. go grab your tissue. as you watch it, you will see signs of the incredible love and encouragement that her family received and gave to the hospital staff over the last 6 months. i have no idea who all of the people are in the pictures, but i am confident that maddie's family showed them the love and hope of Christ.
i found this sweet statement in one of maddie's email updates, dated the day after her daddy posted the above video. it was another touch and go time for maddie, and her parents ended the long email with these words...
If God chose to reach down and scoop her up, I could not blame Him, for she is pure joy.
(i told you to grab your tissue!)
just after writing my last post, i jumped in the car to run a quick errand. one of my favorite songs, untitled hymn by chris rice, came on the radio...
whewwww, i bawled through the last verse, thinking of maddie flying to Jesus... and then i arrived at church tonite to sing on the praise team. and you will never guess what song we sang. yup. i can't get the last verse out of my head.
fly to Jesus.
fly to Jesus.
fly to Jesus... and live!
"go maddie go!"
maddie's funeral is tomorrow at 1 PM PST. keep praying for her family.
today is national sanctity of human life day, begun by president reagan to coincide with the anniversary of the horrific court decision of roe vs. wade to legalize abortion. during our church's worship service this morning, we read psalm 139 responsively, and i couldn't help but think of maddie. usually when i read this chapter, my own children come to mind... but today, as i could hardly speak the words "i praise You because i am fearfully and wonderfully made", i thought of maddie. as the congregation proclaimed, "all the days ordained for me were written in Your book before one of them came to be", my eyes welled up with tears considering God's sovereignty in maddie's little life. and then the kicker was singing "He knows my name"...
I have a Maker
He formed my heart
Before even time began
My life was in his hands
this song really touched my heart today in a different way than before. i remember singing it when i was pregnant with caroline, before i knew if she was a girl or a boy. i could hardly sing the words "He knows my name" without crying... considering the mystery of the life inside me and believing that God already knew so much about this baby that i had not yet met. but today during worship, while most people's thoughts were on the beginning of life in a mother's womb, maddie was really on my heart. though her earthly body has died, she has begun a new life... life that is such a reality but that is still such a mystery to us-- the life that we will live for eternity in Heaven with Jesus. i was thinking about how, to most of the medical community, maddie's heart was bad. it was dysfunctional and in need of repair. but God chose to form maddie's heart in such a way to bring glory to Him. her life and her family's faith were (and are) no doubt a testimony to so many people. God did not make a mistake when he formed maddie in her mother's womb. she was fearfully and wonderfully made. and praise the Lord, she is truly in the hands of her Maker now.
as i sat down to share those thoughts, i received an email update from maddie's family. i should fill you in by saying that their church was already planning to host a blood drive in maddie's honor yesterday, so they decided to combine the blood drive with a memorial service for maddie. here's the update...
Sunday January 20, 2008
"There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under the heavens;
a time to be born and a time to die...
a time to weep and a time to laugh...
a time to mourn and a time to dance...
a time to be silent and a time to speak..." Ecc. 3:1-8
Cindy writes:
How interesting this verse. All of the things in it that Dave and I and our family are doing right now are just the opposite of what Madeline is doing. We are crying, weeping, mourning, but she has been born anew and is now finally dancing, laughing and speaking her little heart out! (Oh how that child could speak!!- shhhh! Was not a concept she understood). It is true though, our hearts have quite the Maddie shaped hole carved out of them right now and it hurts. It is just too painful. However, it does not diminish our hope and we praise God that this all is not truly over, it is merely a time out. It is something like this that helps to keep us from clinging to this old world too much. It is something like this that helps us to long for heaven, and that is good. I do believe that's how it's supposed to be.
The visitation went very well and I am delighted to say that there were over 72 pints of blood donated yesterday (probably just a drop in the bucket to all that Mad's had consumed in the last 6 months, but it's a start). You can still donate in her name and honor at any blood bank - we think it is such a wonderful act of love. I can't tell you how it blessed us to see so many people come out to give of their selves that way. It probably would have been much much higher but they just ran out of beds, time and volunteers. Wow. I couldn't imagine doing a "visitation" any other way. Maddie was not your average kid, and therefore no average service will do.
There were a whole lot of people that came out. It was mind blowing the love and support that was poured out upon us. We had people come from Spokane and Puyallup, (not to mention our families from Kentucky and Tennessee), the chaplain from Children's came, as did some of our nurses and our favorite Children's family and even one of Maddie's doctors appeared (a little bit late, so we took him home for dinner)! It was amazing. And most of all, we made it through. I'm finding the verse, "as your days are, so shall your strength be.", to be true to word. These are the hardest, saddest days of our lives. My heart is groaning within me, and yet, the sun came up again today. Glory be to God. Dave and I will both be writing some thoughts later in the week about all of this. But until then, please just know how much we've appreciated all of your words, all of your prayers and all of your love. You have cocooned us with it, and we can tell.
keep praying for maddie's family.
as we began another year, i excitedly got the "set" ready for the "naked baby new year's" pictures.... i'm not exactly sure WHY i thought that caroline would cooperate this year. i mean, last year, she didn't have much of a choice... and given her track record, i should have known that this year would go how it did... but a mother can dream, can't she?! :) brian sweetly helped me try to keep the balloons on the white sheets and the kids actually IN the picture...caroline had the "2008" banner ripped off before brian could even get it around her... and ethan didn't like how it tickled his belly.... aw man! i only got one picture of "2008" on either child, but i guess i should be happy that i was even able to get a shot of ethan and caroline in the same picture! so maybe this will remain a newborn tradition!! haha. ethan surprisingly cooperated very well last year, but he was a few months older than caroline is now, and as we all know, she's just a whole different ballgame. SO as much as i wanted to TRY THESE AGAIN this year, i will heed the strongly expressed advice of my husband to "get over it" and "give it up"! :) so enjoy the few pictures of our kiddos ringing in 2008! if this photo shoot is any indication of how 2008 will go, it's gonna be a crazy ride!! :)
ummm, who votes that ethan is WAY TOO OLD
to be doing these new year's pictures now?!? haha!
for some reason, he looks like an 8 year old
in a diaper in this shot!!! i'm sorry ethan!!
i can't believe i actually was able to capture this shot...
that poor banner was torn to smitherines in a matter of seconds...
well, one member of our family cooperated for me...
except that as soon as i went to take the picture, brian kept saying, "lucky!",
which makes him bark... and the noisemaker kept falling out. good grief! :) 
tonight, sweet maddie is dancing. she is smiling and laughing and talking. she is skipping and running... straight into the arms of Jesus. maddie died this morning. the last 6 months have been such a time of ups and downs for little maddie's health. as i have written before, i cannot even imagine what all of this has been like for her family. that is a really cheesy understatement. i am sitting on my couch, unable to stop crying for this family that i have never met... a total stranger to them, i am struggling to wrap my heart and my mind around the truth that their little girl is with Jesus. i want to rejoice for maddie. i want to praise the Lord that she is no longer bloated with 6.5 liters of extra fluid in her poor, worn out body. but my "mommy's heart" weeps as i look back at pictures on maddie's website... pictures of her being silly with her brother & sister, pictures of her 2nd birthday. i can only imagine how many pictures her mommy is replaying in her mind tonight.
here is the email that we received today (emphasis mine)...
We are crushed today. Last night Madeline's pupils failed to react to light, so an emergency CT scan was ordered. The image revealed that Maddie's precious little brain had hemorrhaged and was severely swollen. We were hoping and praying for good news, but the opposite came. Maddie was pronounced brain dead last night just past midnight. We said goodbye and took her off of all life support and she died peacefully in our arms at 10:15 this morning. We are stunned and speechless. Our hearts are broken, and we are so very sorry to have to announce this news to all of you faithful and beautiful people. Today the King of Kings welcomed our princess home. The worst day of our lives was the best day of hers.
We are on the way home right now to let Anna & Sam down. They love their baby sister more than words can express, so this will be a hard one. Please pray for peace for our family in the weeks ahead. Leaving the hospital today was like leaving our best friends. Every day for six months, the staff was our family, and then in one day it was all gone. There is joy somewhere in all of this, but I cannot see it yet. I am praying for that clarity.
i realize that this is not about me. it's not really even about maddie & her family. it's about giving God the glory at all times, even when we do not fully understand. but every update from maddie's family has caused me to realize how silly my worries are and how weak my faith can be. as this little girl has been fighting for her life, i have been concerned that caroline doesn't have shoes to match a certain outfit. as maddie's parents packed up all her stuffed animals today, i complained that i didn't have enough time to get any laundry done. as maddie's parents drove home today to tell their other two children that their sister was now in Heaven, i got aggravated with my children as i tried to carry on a phone conversation. wow. Lord, forgive me. i do not thank God enough for the precious gifts of ethan and caroline. i take their health and their thus far uneventful lives for granted. i see now that i take a lot for granted. we don't want to think about things like this, but either of them could die as easily as maddie died this morning. we do not know God's plan for their lives. they are truly not OURS, but a precious gift from the Lord. i must remember that. maddie's mom and dad are living that now.
i urge you to pray for maddie's family. their hope is in the Lord, praise God for such hope. they have asked for prayers for peace and clarity, so please join me in prayers to that end for them. i will do my best to share further updates that i receive from their family.
go hug your children, praise God for each one of them, and remember to pray for maddie's family.
it feels like just yesterday that i posted pictures of our 2007 new years with jonathan, tammy, and kids... and here we are a year later, the kids are a little older, and the Lord has added another sweet baby to our party! this year, we began our evening at an engagement party for julie & ricky, who are getting married on 6/7/08... how fun is that? after going downtown for a little while so the kids could run around the carousel-lights display, we headed to jonathan & tammy's for a little "cars" themed new years! joseph shared his "lightning the keen" pjs with ethan, and the kids piled on the blow up mattress in the living room to watch cars. while the big kids watched the movie, caroline entertained herself (and kept us on our toes) by sitting backwards on the edge of the blow up mattress and rocking back and forth... i can't tell you how many times we moved her to the middle of that mattress! :)
we had a great time ringing in the new year. the kids stayed up the whole time we were out, and they were still going strong when we drove home around 1 am. well, so i thought... ethan fell asleep on the way home, but caroline talked and sang to herself the whole way home. my little party girl!
here's the first pictures of 2008!
the kids loved running around the lights downtown!
...but they saved some energy for when the ball dropped!
caroline-1 yr, joseph- 3 yrs, claire-7 wks, natalie- 5 1/2 yrs, ethan- 2 1/2 yrs.
they've gotten so big since last year!
ethan & joseph in joseph's cars pjs!
sweet sisters!
a new year's kiss with my honey!
jonathan hits a certain time at night and goes immediately into zombie mode...
...and his children weren't far behind him this night...
jonathan would have been so proud to see all three kids crashed out together...
but he was asleep too!
ethan is wondering why the party has ended!
tammy and i rarely get pictures together
without a child tugging on us or in our laps...
so this is a priceless picture. i love my friend! :)
we are so thankful for a wonderful 2007. God has been so gracious to our family, and we pray that 2008 will be a year that brings glory to Him. we look forward to sharing more memories with all of you. praise God for another year to serve Him and fellowship with you.
i forgot to post two more christmas tidbits...
first is this little bitty video of ethan wishing you all a merry "cmismas"... it's one of those cute little sayings that he will probably grow out of by next year, so i was determined to capture it on video this year... it made my little mommy's heart smile everytime he said "cMistmas":) in this actual video, he is not exactly filled with christmas cheer, and he sounds a bit like a sheep for some reason. but it will still make me smile every single cmismas from here on out.
and how could i forget the annual stocking pictures! now i realize that we will not be carrying on this tradition that i started last year once the kids are like 16 and 17, but for now, they are generally unaware of their mother's slight obsession with capturing every silly moment on camera... and they cooperate surprisingly well for stunts like this! last year, the stockings weren't quiiiite big enough (i underestimated the size of my newborn-but 10 lb- daughter). so this year, i found these 42" stockings at the dollar tree! fun fun fun!!
well, that does it for 2007! we had a fun fun new year's, and i can't wait to share those pictures...
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