we were eating leftovers from olive garden last week, and ethan was finished and about to get down from the table. i had breadsticks for brian but didn't care for ethan to know about them since he was satisfied with being finished. so i said to brian, "do you want some B-R-E-A-D?" and ethan chimed in...
"THAT'S the book for me! i stand alone on the word of God, the B-I-E-I-E"!
this weekend as brian, mara, and i took ethan to his first "big" movie! mara and i worked together at family christian stores during my breaks home from college (how brian & i met), and we spent many a night quoting veggietales to each other and yes, i admit, to our customers. i even rang up someone with a larry the cucumber finger puppet as i ducked behind the cash register. (big sigh.) those were the days. anyway, mara had a great idea to take ethan to this movie since out of all the classic veggie tales moments, "the pirates who don't do anything" is quite possibly our favorite. and to our surprise, brian wanted to come along!
on friday night, we told ethan that we had a surprise for him. he came running in the living room, bright-eyed and smiling, and exclaimed quite dramatically, "for ME?!" (he's real into "surprises" right now...) we told him about our plan for the next afternoon, and he was elated. he didn't really know what "veggietales" was, but he was excited just the same. i mean, we said the words "movie" and "popcorn"! so he was all ready to go see "beggietales" that night, but we explained that he had to go to sleep first... so the next morning, when his usual greeting is "i awake!", i went into his room, and he immediately said, "i go see beggietales!"
ethan did wonderfully at the movie. i was happy to learn that the theater has booster seats for kids to sit in so that they can have their own seat but not be eaten by the folding up of the chair! i expected to need to hold ethan, so this was a great treat for him to have his own seat.... of course, halfway through the movie, i started missing him sitting way over there in his big boy seat, so i put him in my lap. :) he watched the whole movie without saying a single word or fidgeting one little bit. he was amazed by the HUGE show in front of him! i don't know how much of the plot he actually followed, but he enjoyed his "small" bag of popcorn while watching dancing vegetables in clothing... so a good time was had by all. the great thing about veggietales is that most of the jokes are funnier to the adults than the kids, so mara and i were giggling through the whole show. i even heard brian laugh a time or two.
when we got home, i found out that eric & kristi took their kids to the same movie at the same time as us. (another big sigh.) gosh, i miss them! kristi said that steven acted just like ethan through the movie... completely still and wide-eyed! oh those boys just steal my heart. so anyway, here are a few pictures from ethan's first movie. no i don't usually take my camera to the movies, but c'mon, it was his first movie!!!! :) and i waited until afterwards to get pictures, so i wasn't really that obnoxious. i really wanted to snap a shot of him entranced with his hand in the bag of popcorn, but i just captured a mental shot of that moment...
so here's ethan at his first movie. note that he is eating popcorn in evvvvery picture! 
(janie, we missed you!!! "i love you bob.. i love you too, man!")
you are probably wondering when i am going to get back to blogging about my own children! i'm sorry if it seems strange that i have written so much about this little girl that i never knew, but as i shared in the last few posts, maddie's family has been on my heart so much lately, and her death has caused me to continually evaluate my daily life with my children. so bear with me as i share this one last post about maddie's funeral. for those of you who have been praying for her family and following her story on this site, i wanted to share this encouraging email from maddie's dad. i am sure we can all learn something from this family's faith, and we can join together in praising God for His presence through all of this.
Tuesday January 22, 2008
When I rose yesterday morning, the first thing I did was pray that the day would pass quickly, convinced that it would be one of the hardest, saddest days for our family. All week I envisioned my legs buckling at the sight of Maddie’s casket. I imagined falling on my face and sobbing at the cemetery. I thought about Anna and Sam and how they would be affected by the overwhelming gloom of the day. But you know, none of those things happened. There were occasional quiet tears and a few runny noses, but somehow peace prevailed. I looked over at Cindy a number of times and asked, “Are you okay?” and she looked back at me with the same curious disbelief and said, “Yeah, I am.” I could not understand why we were not overcome with the grief I was expecting. My suspicion was that all of you ever-faithful prayer warriors were still lifting our family up (a fact that was confirmed by the flood of emails and guestbook entries). I failed to take the advice in Philippians 4 that says, “Do not be anxious about anything . . .” but the next familiar verse that says ‘God will provide a peace that transcends all understanding’ showed up anyway. I’ve said it. I’ve read it. Now we have experienced it. Madeline endured long-suffering and managed to wear a smile through most of it. How could we possibly do less? In the end, the day went by too fast.
Attendance was completely overwhelming, which blessed us tremendously, but also left us wishing we had had more time. I can think of a dozen people right off the top of my head who caught my eye, but were never able to make contact. There were so many familiar faces from our families at Christ Memorial, New Life and Cornerstone Churches. Then there were numerous families we had never met before, who learned of Maddie through friends of friends, and had been praying for her and following her story. Some of them traveled a considerable distance to say hello and goodbye. Finally, there was the hospital staff. We knew Becky and Maree were coming, because they were in the program and we figured that a few others might make it as well, but we had no idea that half the team would show up! Just about every department and discipline was represented, with doctors, nurses, specialists, therapists, etc. It felt like we were on rounds for the last time. You cannot imagine how much it meant to all of us to see you there. (Actually it kind of ticked me off, because I was holding it together until you showed up!) I know there were many more who wanted to come, but couldn’t. You were in our thoughts as well. Maddie loved you all.
We were overrun by people telling us it was the most beautiful and uplifting and hopeful funeral they had ever seen. We agree. We are so grateful to everyone who shared our Madeline and contributed to make it a perfect day. The message was perfect. The music was perfect. The weather was perfect. The walk from the church to the cemetery and up to the hilltop was perfect. The reception was perfect. And the food . . . did I mention the food? No one is going hungry in our house, thanks to the never-ending river of food that is flowing through our front door. If eating is supposed to ease pain and sorrow, then I am the happiest guy on earth! Can we just say thanks to everyone for everything? You are in our hearts and on our minds.
When the curtain came down and the crowd dispersed, Cindy and I had a chance to walk back up the hill and share some quiet time alone and consider the day. The sun was just setting over the Olympic mountains and Liberty bay below was still. It was hard to look at the ground and imagine her buried there, having just had her in our arms last week. We tell the kids that that is just an empty shell, but I still long for it. – just human I guess. I have lump in my throat that I can’t quite clear and my voice cracks if I travel too far down memory lane. She lived with grace, but I never would have thought a three year old could die with grace. Then again, Madeline did a lot of things that surprised us.
We’re not sure what the future of her legacy will be. Some folks have mentioned keeping the web page alive, but Maddie was pretty much the cornerstone of that effort. We believe that God used Maddie for His own glory. He spared her by taking her out of this place, but I cannot believe that the He would have wanted the ministry to cease. It has always been bigger than us and we really want to keep it. However, when Maddie was first diagnosed and we searched the internet for information on her condition, we found no hope in stories that ended in death. For that reason we agreed when we started Madeline’s web site, that we would take it down in the event of the ultimate bad news. We don’t want to sap the hope from another family. We will be praying and listening for direction in the coming weeks and months. Maybe we’ll slap the story in a binder and publish it.
continue to pray for maddie's family! if i receive any more updates, i will do my best to share how they are doing.
i just found this video montage that maddie's dad put together back in november....since most of you reading this had (like me) never met maddie, i thought i'd share this video with you. what a cute little girl. go grab your tissue. as you watch it, you will see signs of the incredible love and encouragement that her family received and gave to the hospital staff over the last 6 months. i have no idea who all of the people are in the pictures, but i am confident that maddie's family showed them the love and hope of Christ.
i found this sweet statement in one of maddie's email updates, dated the day after her daddy posted the above video. it was another touch and go time for maddie, and her parents ended the long email with these words...
If God chose to reach down and scoop her up, I could not blame Him, for she is pure joy.
(i told you to grab your tissue!)
just after writing my last post, i jumped in the car to run a quick errand. one of my favorite songs, untitled hymn by chris rice, came on the radio...
whewwww, i bawled through the last verse, thinking of maddie flying to Jesus... and then i arrived at church tonite to sing on the praise team. and you will never guess what song we sang. yup. i can't get the last verse out of my head.
fly to Jesus.
fly to Jesus.
fly to Jesus... and live!
"go maddie go!"
maddie's funeral is tomorrow at 1 PM PST. keep praying for her family.
today is national sanctity of human life day, begun by president reagan to coincide with the anniversary of the horrific court decision of roe vs. wade to legalize abortion. during our church's worship service this morning, we read psalm 139 responsively, and i couldn't help but think of maddie. usually when i read this chapter, my own children come to mind... but today, as i could hardly speak the words "i praise You because i am fearfully and wonderfully made", i thought of maddie. as the congregation proclaimed, "all the days ordained for me were written in Your book before one of them came to be", my eyes welled up with tears considering God's sovereignty in maddie's little life. and then the kicker was singing "He knows my name"...
I have a Maker
He formed my heart
Before even time began
My life was in his hands
this song really touched my heart today in a different way than before. i remember singing it when i was pregnant with caroline, before i knew if she was a girl or a boy. i could hardly sing the words "He knows my name" without crying... considering the mystery of the life inside me and believing that God already knew so much about this baby that i had not yet met. but today during worship, while most people's thoughts were on the beginning of life in a mother's womb, maddie was really on my heart. though her earthly body has died, she has begun a new life... life that is such a reality but that is still such a mystery to us-- the life that we will live for eternity in Heaven with Jesus. i was thinking about how, to most of the medical community, maddie's heart was bad. it was dysfunctional and in need of repair. but God chose to form maddie's heart in such a way to bring glory to Him. her life and her family's faith were (and are) no doubt a testimony to so many people. God did not make a mistake when he formed maddie in her mother's womb. she was fearfully and wonderfully made. and praise the Lord, she is truly in the hands of her Maker now.
as i sat down to share those thoughts, i received an email update from maddie's family. i should fill you in by saying that their church was already planning to host a blood drive in maddie's honor yesterday, so they decided to combine the blood drive with a memorial service for maddie. here's the update...
Sunday January 20, 2008
"There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under the heavens;
a time to be born and a time to die...
a time to weep and a time to laugh...
a time to mourn and a time to dance...
a time to be silent and a time to speak..." Ecc. 3:1-8
Cindy writes:
How interesting this verse. All of the things in it that Dave and I and our family are doing right now are just the opposite of what Madeline is doing. We are crying, weeping, mourning, but she has been born anew and is now finally dancing, laughing and speaking her little heart out! (Oh how that child could speak!!- shhhh! Was not a concept she understood). It is true though, our hearts have quite the Maddie shaped hole carved out of them right now and it hurts. It is just too painful. However, it does not diminish our hope and we praise God that this all is not truly over, it is merely a time out. It is something like this that helps to keep us from clinging to this old world too much. It is something like this that helps us to long for heaven, and that is good. I do believe that's how it's supposed to be.
The visitation went very well and I am delighted to say that there were over 72 pints of blood donated yesterday (probably just a drop in the bucket to all that Mad's had consumed in the last 6 months, but it's a start). You can still donate in her name and honor at any blood bank - we think it is such a wonderful act of love. I can't tell you how it blessed us to see so many people come out to give of their selves that way. It probably would have been much much higher but they just ran out of beds, time and volunteers. Wow. I couldn't imagine doing a "visitation" any other way. Maddie was not your average kid, and therefore no average service will do.
There were a whole lot of people that came out. It was mind blowing the love and support that was poured out upon us. We had people come from Spokane and Puyallup, (not to mention our families from Kentucky and Tennessee), the chaplain from Children's came, as did some of our nurses and our favorite Children's family and even one of Maddie's doctors appeared (a little bit late, so we took him home for dinner)! It was amazing. And most of all, we made it through. I'm finding the verse, "as your days are, so shall your strength be.", to be true to word. These are the hardest, saddest days of our lives. My heart is groaning within me, and yet, the sun came up again today. Glory be to God. Dave and I will both be writing some thoughts later in the week about all of this. But until then, please just know how much we've appreciated all of your words, all of your prayers and all of your love. You have cocooned us with it, and we can tell.
keep praying for maddie's family.
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